Maybe it’s just human nature to want maximum results with minimal effort, but what I usually tell people is the more succinct, “I’m lazy.” There is a part of me that doesn’t actually want to work out at all. However, if you are a regular exerciser and you worry about motivation, I highly recommend injuring your back so you can’t work out for a while. You will come to wistfully remember just two weeks ago when you were not completely batshit insane and could run without a care in the world and just picked up a dumbbell whenever the fuck you felt like it. Then you will appreciate exercise in a whole new way, a way that makes you get a little teary when you hear about other people’s workouts because you are big on self-pity and have a blog that is basically a forum for just that. You will even well up while you sit on your porch writing and eating a chocolate chip cookie and feeling your arms get mushy and your ass shlump.
Whoa, I digress. I meant to say that I don’t want to spend 47 thousand hours in the gym doing some crazy ass rubber band workout like Gwyneth. I don’t have that kind of time. (Oh, since I also don’t have time to do real work, I’m going to lazily pimp my other writing on FF, in case anyone is all environmental-eco-ya-ya and shit. Do not look for continuity here, that would be the work of a more motivated person than moi.) Where was I? So I have been taught a few strategies for getting the most out of my workouts. One is to do exercises that incorporate multiple muscle groups at once. (This is all that free weight and functional fitness gospel stuff, though you shouldn’t look to me for any preaching, I’m too self-absorbed to be converting anyone.) And another strategy is to find ways to push myself.
And now we are gonna get all meta and shit, because the one strategy within the push-myself strategy is to pick up big weights. Biggest I can find. If I choose the gigantic dumbbell or barbell or whatever, then I know I will probably be exerting myself, rather than kicking back and dinking out my reps. But there is a problem here, and so I have to raise my hand and say,
“My name is Kelly and I am a big-dick-weight queen.”
(Psst! Now you all say, “Hi Kelly!”)
What I mean is that I can get so caught up in using the gigantic-est weight I can lift that I sometimes fuck up in other areas. Generally this is a disease that afflicts a lot of guys, and women tend to not use enough weight to get strength training results. But there can be gender crossover, because I have this problem too.
What’s wrong with being a weight queen? Well, a couple things. For one, if you have an injury—like say, a back injury—and you decide to use the heaviest kettlebell in the gym just because you are really broken in the head, you can end up with a broken back to match, ahem.
But probably more relevant, there are times when a big weight means you also sacrifice other things, like form, and integrity. I get this when I watch someone crank out 72 pull ups, but they never fully extend their arms. I suck at pull ups with or without good integrity, so I tend to stand back and get extra righteous of others on those. But I’m just the same on many weight exercises, where I hoist some big ol’ barbell into a half-ass position, practically break my head in the process, and call it a rep.
Truth is that you can make yourself work hard with less weight if you remain conscious of form (keep abs tight or back straight or whatever) and make sure you get full extensions and so on. You can also increase things like the speed of your reps to make everything a wee bit harder. So why wouldn’t I do that instead, and spare my body the possible injury? So glad you asked. Because 1) it takes more work mentally to practice full range of motion executed well, and 2) it’s way less showy than the big bulge of the heavier weight, and I’m a weight queen.
But the first step is admitting you have a problem, and so there, I said it. Now that I’m out of the game for a while, I want to stage my comeback by keeping the weight lighter but finding ways to kick my own ass with better, prettier reps. Wish me luck on that, and one day at a time, I will walk down the road to recovery.
You, um, might want to hide the big dumbbells too, just to help me out.
I’m not really a big fan of heavy weights (or weights at all, when it comes right down to it). With heavy weights, it is just so easy to hurt yourself, especially if you’re using a machine. That’s how I hurt my lower back so many years ago.
- Dave
David at Animal-Kingdom-Workouts.com
January 24th, 2009
Good luck lightening up just a little, enough to come back with proper and beautiful form!
Giz
January 24th, 2009
Can totally relate. I’m always in a quandary over whether I should focus on “looking good” or “doing good”, not realizing in the process that for people who know what they’re doing I look bad if I don’t have good form. Anyway, something I’m working on. Thanks for your post; it reminds me as to what my real goals are.
playtankjulie
January 25th, 2009
Hi. My name’s Deb and I’m a weight queen. To the point my joints don’t adapt to the increased weights and hurt like a mofo much of the time.
I’m starting to see a decline that just might be an indication of some over training. But I’m also being forced to take 4 whole days off next week. THAT will surely cure everything. Right?
Right?
deb
January 25th, 2009
You could be talking about me there. I always get frustrated when a certain trainer takes away my big weights and gives me smaller weights. I know it’s a comment on my form and not my strength. But an ego is an ego, you know?
Ettamommy
January 25th, 2009
oh where oh where did my BIG weights gooooo…or how bout just a few sets of push ups? I wanna be one of kelly’s buff, tuff pupils again. sigh. But alas, I am back to boot (almost) and will await the day I can do a punching (oh how fun that was) backsquat, deadlift and bench press records…come on shoulder. could you maybe cooperate?
Mary
January 25th, 2009
Mary, I miss seeing you sooooo much!
Ettamommy
January 25th, 2009
I had a foot injury a while back where I couldn’t exercise for a while, then I could barely exercise for months. It was horrible, and I was very stir crazy.
I tend to do medium weights because I’m teaching group exercises classes and I don’t want people to go too light, but I don’t want them to injure themselves with too heavy. But on the weight floor myself I do go on the heavier side.
One thing you mentioned though, about it getting harder as you go faster - I’ve actually found the inverse to be true. Because if you go faster, you get momentum involved, which ends up making it easier.
Lethological Gourmet
January 26th, 2009
Lady Big Weights! Be nice to yourself. You know in the back of your mind that if you can’t keep your form pretty, the core is not so strong. That is when captain SI Joint has a rebellion and you find yourself on armchair - trainer - duty. Take some time with the little weights and you’ll be able to lift even more (is that humanly possible??). Then you will crush the rest of us in your beautiful bulging biceps. And for christ’s sake, give the boxing a break until you feel better!! Come get some needles or shiatsu if you need it! Mwuah!
Miss Barbara
January 27th, 2009