Oh hi. Good to see you. Um…Did we have plans? Oh fuck, that’s right, I have a blog, I’m supposed to write for it sometimes. I totally forgot!
Well, it was a nice Thanksgiving and all, and I learned a valuable life lesson. When your friend Juliet calls you out for an eating contest, and there’s a little voice in your head that says, “Whoa, that’s a bad idea,” you should listen to that little voice. If you don’t, you will feel very, very, very bad later. Especially when you lose on a technicality, one fucking little stuffing cube left on your plate because you thought it was nasty turkey skin. Maybe you don’t even really like stuffing. Maybe you should learn to just say no, like you should’ve when you were a teenager and you got high all the time instead of paying attention in class and now the only career you are suited for is professional blogger, which is not only an oxymoron, it’s hardly something your mom could brag to her friends about. Poor mom.
Where was I? Oh yes, something athletic and shit for the blog. Well, I guess I could cover this whole idea that self-esteem is the number one factor in exercise adherence. “In fact, a recent study showed self-efficacy alone boosted exercise adherence by 139% over the course of a year.” Feel good, look good, baby.
Okay, I’m gonna lay down my little take on self-esteem for you. I am so sick of hearing about it, I could just spit. It seems like everywhere you turn, someone is telling you to love yourself and shit, to treat yourself with respect and honor your truth and blah blah blah.
Now, this post has some tips for boosting self-esteem. I’m sure these are quite helpful. But a couple of them are just way beyond my ability to execute without cringing horribly, like doing most positive affirmations. Not only do I think of Stuart Smalley every time I hear that (”I’m good enough…”) I just don’t see myself saying, “I will enjoy today’s exercise experience”. Maybe “Fuckin’ A, I’m gonna be so happy when I get through this shit, good lord.” And of course, I’ve mentioned I do say to myself on occasion, “You can’t keep a bitch down,” which is as close as I get to positive thinking.
However, the last two are more in line with what I think of with self-esteem. Namely, “Make positive contributions to others” and “Take action!” You know what I like about these? Oh, they are about DOING things rather than THINKING things.
See, my annoyance with the whole self-esteem bit is it seems like people wanna think themselves into better action. Like, if you just love yourself, you’ll do good things for yourself and others. I dunno, maybe that works for some people. For me, the key is actually to do shit anyway. And amazingly, when I do esteemable things, I feel less like an asshole. Funny, that.
See, I might be quite special really and deserve all kinds of magical blessings from what-fucked-ever. I might be the very special-est person in the world for all I know, worthy of love and respect and all. But you know what? If I act like a jerk-off, I have a feeling my real inner specialness won’t matter much.
I’m actually not as strident as I probably sound, and lord knows, different things work for different people. And shit, I’ve even said this all before, I could just link back to a couple posts and get some beauty sleep instead. (Hey, now there’s an idea!) But I’m just telling you the fuck-all what-have-you that works for me. Some days I don’t exercise, and I feel bad about it. And you know what? That bad feeling actually motivates me to work out the next day. Is that low self-esteem on my part, the “oh, fuck, I suck, I should’ve done something” self-talk? I don’t really care, because I hate that head-fuck enough to change my actions in the future, so it actually might just serve me well. Hating me in the moment just might help me later, you know.
Anyhow, I come from the bad attitude school of self-esteem. I happen to know from experience that when I feel like crap because I’m not exercising (or writing, or being decent to people, or whatever) then there’s one very clear cure for that feeling. I just have to do something anyway, and lo and behold, I suddenly do not say to myself “you worthless sucka” but instead say “fuck, this exercise/writing/being decent shit is hard.” No, no, I say “damn I feel better now.” I might even love all over myself, in a sloppy, gushy, heartwarming way, the kind where people are all like, “eeew, I hate PDA, get a room.” Because fuck me, I deserve it. I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. Ahem.
Go with whatever works! I was interested to read that feeling bad helps motivate you to work out again. Feeling bad about not exercising makes me want to curl up on the couch and eat high-fat, low-worth food stuffs until I explode.
And gosh darn it, people like me! Well, my mother does, at any rate. Most of the time, anyway.
Merry
December 4th, 2008
I DO like you.
The New Girl
December 4th, 2008
I love the “take action” - can I use it?!
surf mom
December 4th, 2008
Awesome post and so true!
giz
December 4th, 2008
Missed you.
Where does sticking to exercise to stave off self-loathing figure into this?
Ettamommy
December 4th, 2008
This post actually got me thinking yesterday.
I also get annoyed with the self-esteem stuff, because I think the cause-and-effect often get turned around. I don’t think good self-esteem helps you accomplish stuff, but that accomplishing stuff will give you self-esteem.
Some people don’t DESERVE to have self-esteem. Like that mom-and-daughter team who made up the internet boyfriend and convinced a young girl to kill herself? Those women definitely shouldn’t have high self-esteem; they should be thoroughly disgusted with themselves. They should have their membership cards for the human race revoked.
Do you want to be loved? Then act lovable.
Do you want to be respected? Then show respect for others.
Do you want to feel good about your body? Then stop treating it like shit and give it the nutrition and exercise it needs.
dragonmamma/
December 5th, 2008