FitnessFixation.com

First off, at the risk of being political and shit, didja know our President can do pull ups? This is an actual photo, and here’s what Badass Extrordinaire/Blog Ideas Chief Kim sent me:

“Two staffers had just passed this site and done two pull-ups. Not to be outdone, Obama did three with ease, dropped and walked out to make a speech. Missoula, Mont., 4/5/2008.”

Second, I am pretty depressed Prop 8 passed, though I do have these complicated opinions about how rights shouldn’t be tied to marriage of any kind in the first place. But if they are gonna be, then sure shit they should be extended to gays and lesbians, and any other group who wants to embark on that vale of tears. Oh, the kidding, ahem. Anyhow, my sister went out of town this weekend, and left her girlfriend behind with me, so I happily volunteered to be surrogate girlfriend for my sister while she was away so her lovah wouldn’t get lonely. (Eeeewww, lovah.) And lemme tell you, when the Pro-prop-8 fuckhead ding-dongs talk about gay marriage tainting the sanctity of the institution, I think I know what they are really afraid of. That the gay relationships will make their own look lame.

Now my sister and her girlfriend E aren’t married, but whatever, no married lesbians have asked me to step in as a surrogate yet (come to think of it, nobody has, I sort of volunteered) and I adore E, and did even before she swung my sister over to a life of love and sin. So I was pleased to give do my surrogate duty, and let me tell you, it is awesome to have a pretend-girlfriend-who-is-actually-my-sister’s-girlfriend who is in good shape. We went to Home Depot (naturally) and picked up 26 bags of bark chips for the yard. We hoisted them onto the flat cart, handily wheeled them out of the store, and when a bunch of dudes in the parking lot offered to help load them, we politely scoffed and easily stowed all the bags into our sporty yet stylish cars. Then we swung them two at a time over our shoulders and threw them all over the yard. For the record, E trains with us at our gym, so I take credit for her fitness level, even though she’s always been pretty badass.

Of course after that E actually did the hard yard work while I dicked around pretending to be productive. I did inform her I wouldn’t perform all the duties my sister does—I wasn’t gonna bring her coffee in the morning, especially since she drinks decaf. Sex was totally on the table though, I’d do it for the relationship, but when I mentioned this casually even before my sister left for her trip they both expressed some silly reservations, with some stuff about “over my dead body” and “I’ll lock the door” being tossed around. Undaunted—I’m a very good surrogate—I ordered cioppino for dinner, and my-pretend-girlfriend-who-is-actually-my-sister’s-girlfriend paid. (Normally they take turns getting the check, so sister, when you get back, its your turn to catch the bill.) I held up a very suggestive and, um, open mussel from my stew, and E wrinkled her nose and said, “Oh yeah, you had kids.” For the record—not like that. Then she went on about how she was going to sleep with her crucifix on her nightstand, and we discussed whether or not she’d throw a vial of holy water on my face and burn me if I came into her room late at night. I laughed hard. In short, being a surrogate girlfriend rocks.
Again, it’s really not like that. Ewwww.

Now, what could that possibly have to do with fitness? Well, it’s completely related, if you don’t get it you must not be paying attention. What’s that behind you? Oh, nothing? Well, I hope you’ve forgotten what we were just talking about, because in my very strong fitness focus, I wanted to share this article from the NY Times with you. It’s basically about how static stretching before you exercise is NOT good, it can weaken your muscles, so you should do an active warm-up with dynamic stretching instead. I have actually had one person a long time ago complain that I did not stretch them sufficiently before a session, so you know, in yer face, person who I’ll never see again.

By the way, even though you should read the article, static stretching is when you hold the stretch long enough to let stuff release, while dynamic stretches are moving and get your muscles ready for action. And my clients will attest to the fact that I’m all about the dynamic crap as warm-up and I like it lots. But speaking of mussels being ready for action, I’d better go and see if my pretend-girlfriend-who-is-actually-my-sister’s-girlfriend will make me some tea.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 9th, 2008 at 11:18 pm and is filed under aw, exercise, feelings, healthy crap, hoo hoo, love, one for the ladies, sanity, sports, stretch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.