The whole idea from yesterday that girls may not be strengthening their legs because they are torn between wanting to play a sport and yet look like they don’t (i.e. be un-muscled and not “thick”) made me totally sad. How lame that girls have to feel the pressure to have bodies that are skinny instead of functional. Course I also like the way muscle definition looks, I think the athletic aesthetic is awesome. But sadly, teenage girls aren’t all about getting my approval, you know, cuz I’m not taking ‘em to prom.
Now, as someone who does have muscle definition in, say, my arms, I do know you get mixed responses from others and lots of interesting messages about muscles and being female. I’ve yapped about this before, but maybe if I talk about it enough, when I die I’ll get to be the patron saint of buffed chicks everywhere. I’m just a person, and a neurotic one at that, so it’s not like I’m any stranger to body freak-outs and insecurity and angst—though it has lessened significantly since I got athletic. But most of that is my own internalized shit, and if I’m actually confronted by a real live person who doesn’t heart my aesthetic, it’s amusingly clear that this is not a person I care about even a teeny weeny bit. Yes, most of the people who disapprove of the guns are coincidentally not people I have even one tiny bit of interest in impressing. I mean, it’s uncanny how often it coincides.
Yesterday was freakin’ hot as a mother fucker here, so I was all tank-topped out. I have the combo of big tattoos and muscle-y-ness that people seem to like to comment on. I am not exaggerating when I say that in a 20 minute span, four separate people said something about my arms. Not all of it was sweet, in my opinion. Here’s the four types of commentary I generally get:
1. The sincere compliment. Sometimes people just say flattering things about the guns, “I love your arms” etc. Got no problem with that–it’s very nice. Occasionally people ask what I do so they can replicate it or whatever, both male and female, BTW, and that’s fine.
2. The ambiguous commentary. “My, what big muscles you have!” as though we are in the Red Riding Hood story. I probably ought to say, “The better to clothes-line you with, my dear” or something. But it actually doesn’t bug me much, some people are just unsure about what they think about ripped-ness, and they get to make up their minds on their own time, cuz I have shit to do.
3. The faux-compliment. This generally comes from women who were probably bitches in high school and they travel in packs. “My goodness, I can see all your veins and everything. It’s amazing. I wish I had arms as toned as yours,” they say, meaning “I’d kill myself if I ever got that big.” Usually they just want to comment on the arms and as soon as I walk away, they’ll say to their friend, “Good god, how masculine.” You really cannot worry about people like this, because anyone that insincere is kinda sad. Plus you know most of them have never had an orgasm in their whole lives.
4. The last one is the one I got twice yesterday, and I could go a long time without getting it again. Men who say, “I love your arms” followed with something like “no, I really actually do” or “I bet you don’t get many men telling you that.” Both of those are actual quotes from yesterday. Uh, what they mean is, yeah, you have big arms, but baby, I’m open-minded, so I’ll take the highly unusual step of finding you attractive even though you have those muscles. To which I say, oh gosh, really? You really (sniff) like my arms? Why no, no man has ever said that to me before; in fact, that guy over there did not just say something very similar. You are sooo benevolent. Can I pounce on your penis right now? Or at least cook you some dinner or something?
Um, message to these guys: Please save your open-mindedness for somebody else, because in fact I find you utterly unappealing as a human being, often because of factors that are obvious before you even open your mouth, but that weird “compliment” seals the deal for sure. I’m trying to get far away from you as quickly as possible because you are very, very icky.
At the end of the day, I’m just glad I found the sporty life and it makes me happy. And I don’t care about the haters.
Kelly, your arms are gorgeous and those men are just jealous. They’re the same guys who think feminism is dating a woman who makes more money than them. Pricks.
Ettamommy
May 16th, 2008
love the pic of you Kelly! really. me…i’m just jealous that I can’t get easily ripped-but I’m working on it. but because I’m not ripped looking, many people (guys) offer to help me lift things! One day, I had enough and told the nice man that I could definitely deadlift him, if he wasn’t over 220 lbs.- yeah, people were quite after that!
so rock on Kelly!
surf mom
May 16th, 2008
I jealous of the whole tatt’d package.
and I took what he said as a COMPLIMENT)
(did you see the thats fit shout out I got where a MALE commenter then felt the need to say I was mannish and it wasnt attractive? CLASSIC
M.
MizFit
May 16th, 2008
Great photo!
My arms are very similar to yours, minus the tattoos.
I often get reaction #1. But I most commonly get #5, which you forgot to list: After passing by, you hear one person whisper to another, “Did you see her arms?” followed by a hushed argument about whether or not they look good.
Oh, yeah, and I usually get scowls but no comment from old men who probably don’t have the strength to get off the toilet without grabbing a side bar.
naomi w.
May 17th, 2008
Beautiful, strong, awesome, perfect!
Rachel Q
May 17th, 2008
“Wow, your ams are bigger than mine!” from a guy friend. While I should have gone “Euh yeah, and my arms are really not that big!” I felt that I should apologize about it. I also have had comments about my veins showing. No people, this not steroids, just low body fat. And my skin is kind of see through too.
This pisses me off so much! I mean, what? We’re supposed to look at athletic/healthy/functional bodies as un-feminin? Fuck that! And gentlemen, please, kick your lame ass pick up lines for someone else.
Alice Sartori
May 17th, 2008
Oeh is that really you in the pic? When I opened the post I thought, wauw hot chick, very nice tattoo.. So if that’s you, niice! I haven’t seen such a nice tattoo before
And are you sure you actually eat cupcakes? heh.
Naomi
May 18th, 2008
You are gorgeous. Oh. my. god. Really. I just want to pet your arms. Incidentally, your eyes are quite lovely too.
Next time somebody makes a snide comment on those guns, you can say they’re just scared because you can punch their pretty face through the back of their skull.
(for the record, I’m a girl, who’d KILL for that muscle definition. I used to have it when I was a pre-teen but depression + lack of exercise = teh flab
)
Jun
May 18th, 2008
your guns rock!!!! I assume you almost have a full sleeve? at least your tat is attractive enough
My guns are getting there.. its my legs I have issues with LOL.. I say fugg da haters!
BK
May 19th, 2008
No one said, “You are a gun and doll show all rolled into one”?
I truly appreciate a powerful arm with a flower tattoo. As my little one says “You beautiful.” Some how that statement is sweeter without a verb.
FitSugar
May 19th, 2008
Do you have a problem finding short sleeve blouses that fit? I love my muscles but sometimes I wish I could grab anything off the rack w/o worrying if it will be too tight on my arms.
L.
May 19th, 2008
Simply beautiful. All of you, Kelly. Not just your body, either. How you inspire me not only in body but thought. I am continually baffled at the lack of boundaries people have. You have inspired me to write about a similar experience about wearing a uniform and other type of guns… Thanks for being you.
mary
May 19th, 2008
1 like your blog
2 I coach teenage girls S and C and after almost 2 years, some of them are finally saying how they like having arms and legs with defined muscles in them. These are unsolicited comments, btw, it’s not like I ask them every session if they love their happening deltoids!
3 keep it up!
Huw
May 20th, 2008
I love your arms…uhhh never mind.
You know I’m just kidding right? But as a guy (all be it a somewhat icky guy) I’m always a bit amazed when athletes just don’t take compliments at face value.
You have nice arms…end of story and no cooking of any kind needed or wanted. You worked hard to earn that compliment so don’t read so much into it.
roman
May 20th, 2008
Thanks for the article and great photo. I too have “big arms”, not as ripped as yours but enough for people to think they need to share their opinions (no, really you don’t).
I usually get the worst comments from small guys, I think I must make them feel insecure or something. Like you it’s uncanny that those who have a problem with the way I look are always people I wouldn’t want to spend time with anyway.
So, if big arms are the price I have to pay for being able to do pull ups, push ups, tri dips and any other functional exercise that stops my body from becoming decrepit then I’m gonna keep on paying for tickets to the Guns Show
Cheers,
“Big Sue” (comment I got and at 5′4″ I don’t think it was my height they were talking about. Being called big always make a girl feel great. Not.)
Sue H.
May 21st, 2008
As a first time commenter, let me begin with you’ve been doing a fantastic job here.
I’m commenting because even though I am, in fact, a dude, I am also an idealist. I believe people like my sister or my best friend (or if/when I have daughters built like daddy) should be proud of how they look and what their bodies can do, even, no- *especially* because it flies in the face of convention. Convention SUCKS. To a lesser extent, guys have this issue as well. At my “thinnest” my physical performance suffered greatly, but dammit I weighed less. My lifting buddy (not comfortable enough to use ‘partner’) of three years has lost serious ground since he resolved to go to extreme lengths to “get rid of his gut”. Also, I always shake my head at the local Builders when they start cutting and lose so much their strength and athleticism to enter what is essentially a beauty pageant. It seems like such a waste to me.
As for the last thing you wrote (compliment #4), in as much as there are so many pressures to look a certain way, reading this I realized that there are also pressures on men to like a certain thing, essentially, the junior-high-school-locker-room consensus that the only thing a guy should physically notice about a girl is her cup size. As adults it’s a little better, but I still think the judgment persists- basically there’s a shame there and a fear of being labeled as a fetishist or some kind of weirdo if you dare to be aroused by anything that isn’t included in the standard, white-people aesthetic. Sometimes, men don’t even ponder what we actually find attractive; we just accept that the people who make beer commercials know more than we do. Also, we are lazy, very lazy. It’s definitely our own dumb faults and we need to figure our shit out. So *maybe* sometimes those types of guys are grappling with their own issues, although they’re probably just being creeps.
Anonymous Male
May 21st, 2008
That is an awesome picture. Took me a while to notice the finger.
Mike
May 21st, 2008
I’m totally lovin’ your arms! And #3 is the best - and so true! I’ll bust out some push-ups if anyone thinks I’m weak. People can be so stupid.
Colleen
May 21st, 2008
simply beautiful… All of you… You have thoroughly inspired me in both body and thought. Now, I wanna write about a similiar experience (privately) with respect to wearing a uniform and other guns…
mary
May 21st, 2008
ok. Im back.
had to share with you that my hubby taught our toddler this morning (girl) that when he says: WELCOME TO THE GUN SHOW!
she does a front double biceps pose.
toddler comedy gold.
MizFit
May 22nd, 2008
You rock!
And that “people who hate my guns, do not interest me” is obviously not your thing only. Same here. I’m especially amused by comments made by girls who just joined the gym (as their bodies scream no-physical-activity-whatsovever). When I hear them whisper “look at that, I never wanna look like her” behind my back, it’s just that “slim chances, baby” goes through my mind.
Otherwise I live in a society where you just don’ really make loud comments. But I get the stares. I got used to it and most of the time they even make me feel good.
Tjasa
May 23rd, 2008
i’ll often ask the kids in our (need I cay ‘co ed’) class to flex and show their POWER!!! trying to help shape those bodies AND minds!
(though for p.c. resons I call them “rocks” not “guns)
alan
May 27th, 2008
Glad I found the sporty life too. Thanks for breaking this whole issue down so beautifully for everyone.
MG
May 28th, 2008
Good article and it was nice to see it as on of Yahoo’s feature articles. It is so sad that the media and society keep promoting the skinny chick. I’m a female amateur bodybuilder, so I can relate to the comments you get. You’ve got great arms! Keep up the good work!
Sharon
June 4th, 2008
I am a gymrat and I too get “the Looks” and “Comments” you describe. I happen to think it is sexy to be ripped! I love the curve and definition of a well developed muscle on any body part! How cool is it to wear a tank and not see the “chicken cutlet” or “waddle” on the backside of the arm?? There is not a darn thing wrong with being a girl AND being muscular! My husband adores it! He says that there is nothing more attractive than a woman who takes care of her body above and beyond the “lotions and potions”!! More power to you and your guns!!!!
Nikki
June 4th, 2008
Buffness is hot, nuff said.
Miriam
June 4th, 2008
Loved the article. I’ve always been top heavy - not in the BABE kinda way. Started working construction recently and even with my guns tucked under a sweater I still get obvious responses.
Work guys snigger like they know why I’m on the payroll (and it isn’t because I do all the heavy lifting!)
Guys in suits feel they have to put me down to co-workers because I challenge their masculinity.
Chicks seem pissed off because I’m being ‘every woman’ and they could TOTALLY do that to.
Quietly proving them all wrong is getting old. I want to stand in Mr. Sub and shout “Grow the F**k up” or “Actually I’m married with two kids, and no I’m not playing contractor”. But mostly I just buy a sandwich and get back to work! LOL
Kate
June 4th, 2008
you’ve got me very intrigued. i enjoy the “i am woman, hear me roar” touch you have. let’s keep it up sister!
heather
June 6th, 2008
I love your guns - especially as a woman who’s been trying to get arms like those for yonks. I’m finally weight lifting regularly enough that I’m seeing real muscle definition, and I’m so excited to see a woman who’s got that kind of a gun show - because I so rarely DO see it in anyone but the most dedicated body builders! Go you!
Madeline
June 7th, 2008
I’m gonna leave out any comments about your guns and tats, for fear of incorrectly being funneled into the #4 category…haha…
I will say that I just discovered your blog yesterday, and I’ve enjoyed the four or five posts I’ve read so far.
You rock!
Mike in L.A.
http://www.valleycrossfit.com
Mike in L.A.
July 27th, 2008
Oh…and I sent the link for this entry to some of my female athletes who are also “packing,” so they can enjoy it too!
Mike in L.A.
July 27th, 2008
Love this site generally, think you look amazing, find this photo incredibly motivating and make a point of looking at it to remind myself why I’m reaching for that fucking bitch of a kettlebell.
Katy Newton
May 2nd, 2009