Thanks to Angie, who pointed me towards this article about Madonna’s personal trainer that promptly got me all irritated. As noted, the trainer advocates a few things, including very high reps of exercises using no more than three pound weights and enlisting smaller muscle groups so as to avoid the dreaded bulk. Now, I’ve written the opposite, about how women should strength train with heavier weights and how unlikely it is that bulk will result. I mean, puh-leeze. Is this a major problem? Oh yeah, I see soooo many women at the gym with giant bulky muscles, why it must be a major issue in our strength training regimes. Why, the female population is so ripped we’ll have to start wearing muscle shirts year-round to accommodate our rippling biceps. Good lord.
But to break it down a little further: I agree with the trainer, that variety in exercise is good and keep your body from plateau-ing. I also like a cardio-strength training combo. But let’s remember that weights aren’t just to keep us skinny, though that is of course the mother fucking holy grail of all media foolishness, but we would also like to be able to function in our lives and not break a hip at age 55 from osteoporosis. I seriously do not love her diet plan for clients who need to lose weight, which as outlined would be lucky to hit the minimal 1200 calories required for some to stay out of starvation mode, and by the way, losing 3-5 pounds a week as stated in the blurb isn’t even recommended, so I would hope you would minimally check with a doctor before undertaking that.
And you know, you aren’t going to sell me on a program by showing me Madonna. That woman has been lean her whole damn life, and while she clearly started doing kinds of strength training at some point and got more muscle definition, it wasn’t especially recent, and I believe she attributed it at the time to yoga, for fuck’s sake. She is almost assuredly genetically blessed, responds well to almost any kind of exercise, and probably eats real carefully, and a trainer who takes major credit for that is a fool. She changes her workouts as often as she changes her image, and her body loves them all, which is why we love her body. Madonna my ass.
But okay, since this is nothing new, and I’ve been hammering the issue for a while, let me try a new angle. Let’s say you are among the very, very small percentage of women who do get bulk with training—though again, it is unlikely that you are. Arguably I am in the bulk category, so I’m speaking from knowledge, and even I don’t get body builder size muscles. But I do get noticeably larger and more ripped. I know almost no other women like this, except one: My sister. Which might clue you in to the fact that genetics is key here. And she looks damn sweet, all muscle-y goodness, and I mean that in a completely non-creepy sister way. Oh, and my kid at age six has visible muscle tone and a six-pack stomach too. It is simply adorable.
But say you are like moi. You get bigger arms and shoulders when you do many sports activities, and your calves don’t fit in standard issue boots. Let me tell you a few things about this. 1) If I don’t exercise, my muscles do not shrink to miniature supermodel-esque proportions, but instead I just layer some fat on top. 2) That “curse” of the bulk also means that definition is easy to come by, and anywhere that isn’t holding fat looks more toned. 3) I believe those muscles are supposed to be useful too, and so it would be a damn pity to waste them away picking up pencils and air. 4) While I may have had some angst about looking too buffed, and I sometimes have to deal with idiotic comments from losers, I’m hoping those muscles will continue to help me in athletic shit for the rest of my life, and I ought to be grateful I have them. 5) As I said yesterday, I like the kinds of exercise I do, and while I’m as vain as the next person, the reason I’m happy in my life is that I love my exercise-y stuff for many reasons, and there’s just no way I’m giving any activity or pursuit up because I’m scared of being too bulky. 6) If I did for whatever reason dive into insanity and decide looking a certain way was the only good reason to exercise, and did manage to develop a program that kept my muscles as small as possible, I have a feeling this would not bring me eternal happiness. I mean, whose aesthetic would I be courting? Some amorphous population of fuckheads who deem muscle definition yucky and desires only pencil arms? Anyone who has such a narrow view of what is appealing probably also thinks over-use of the word “fuck” is bad and that crabbiness and sarcasm and bitchiness and neuroses are better off kept under wraps. In other words, if I ever tried to fit in such a stupid little box, I’d not only be miserable, I’d hate the company too.
You won’t bulk, but if you do…Just saying. For me, it’s fuck the bulk fear once and for all.
The Mills girls are just simply …hot!
Renee
March 26th, 2008
Holy shit. That “don’t lift anything heavier than 3lbs” crap makes me want to just go over to that woman’s studio and lift my (heretofore thought to be “wimpy”) 10lb dumbbells right in front of her, and then flex my ZOMG GIANT biceps.
Presumably a lot of her clients are women who have just given birth and want to lose their “baby weight” — does this mean they’re not allowed to pick up their baby?
Chicken Girl
March 26th, 2008
AMEN.
precisely the reason I STARTED my monday facetime videos.
you wont bulk.
we women simply cant (unless yer injecting somesort o’ SOMTHING in yer arse…)
M.
MizFit
March 27th, 2008
I’ve been reading your blog for a pretty long time, and I just wanted to say: a-fucking-men.
Pencil arms do not equal automatic happiness. Please tell the girls at my high school this.
norbork
March 27th, 2008
Yay! I also am a bulker. But when I have a bad day about it I remind myself that it’s not my muscles making me look bad, it’s the layers of fat on top. The best thing about being a bulker? I can do like 10 bicept curls and see a difference. Muscle grows before my eyes.
oh, and I lift weight so I can carry my groceries into my house when I’m 70, not 1 can at a time either.
Randi
March 27th, 2008
Yay! I’m also a bulker and yes I agree with all that you and Randi said.
Besides, i exercise for mental sanity most of the time. SOME day everyone must accept that MOST do not have the Victoria’s Secret model genes. I’m short… whatever.
Angie
March 27th, 2008
I agree Renee! I like the definition that comes with weight training, even if mine pales in comparasion to the Mills clan. BTW after working out at the IC, any shirt I wear is a muscle shirt
Elizabeth
March 27th, 2008
Am I one of the only women out there that is LOOKING to get bigger? The media needs to stop feeding us ways to get “lean” and start giving me tips to look like a UFC fighter. I’m still sexy, still hot, and I can bench press my boyfriend.
Wendy
March 27th, 2008
I’m right there with you Wendy. I would LOVE to have bulge-y biceps and deltoids and calves.
And it’s not like I’m going to bulk up muscle around my gut, where my permanent post-partum badge of honor lives.
So WHATEVER with y’all who never pick up a weight that isn’t pink because you don’t want to “get big”. Go pink if you aren’t willing or physically able to push yourself, but don’t lie to yourself about it.
Just sayin.
girlscientist
March 27th, 2008
wendy? Im with you.
THATS REALLY YOUR SISTER?
wow.
I thought you were kidding
M.
MizFit
March 27th, 2008
I “HEART” getting bulk! I just think it’s cool and sexy all that s**t
Miriam Agrell
March 27th, 2008
oh yeah, E. you’re hot too!
Renee
March 27th, 2008
I use heavier weights (and damn, you are tempting me with IC again!) and I do not bulk. Not that that’s bad.
This morning (for another blog’s challenge) even took a shot of my 55 year old body. The arm, she is great. The midsection? still needs a little work, but not much…
http://tinyurl.com/349l7j
Debra
March 27th, 2008
I’m with Renee - the Mills girls and E are hot hot hot!
Kelly, I knew the 3 pound thing would piss you off. And Madge’s arms are ashtanga arms anyway.
I am one of those bulk-myth dispellers. I can get pretty ripped and still look all long and leany. KNow why? Genetics (thanks gramma!). I gots some long, thin muscles in my arms and legs. They get chiseled but they never get huge and bulge-y. Well, except the other night, while Eric was my partner during the Evil Wheel wheelbarrows, he said my back looked like an alien was about to explode from uit!
Ettamommy
March 27th, 2008
Great post. All the comments are classic too!
Muscles are awesome!!! Having to lose body fat sucks.
MG
March 29th, 2008
Love this post! So totally how I feel!
I don’t have hardly any of my clients lifting anything LESS than 15lbs in each arm and they LOVE it!
Angie
April 2nd, 2008
I think Madonna looks hideous to be honest. Yes she’s lean, fit and strong and I certainly admire her discipine but in my opinion she’s overdoing it. Her arms and hands look incredibly veiny. Once saw a picture of her back; scared the hell out of me. In Swept Away she looked like a sack of bones. I like a woman that’s fit and strong but it’s possible to overdo it.
GW
April 7th, 2008
I came to this post via link and after reading it, this blog is going onto my long RSS subscription list.
Muscle tone is not bad. Some bulk is not bad. Women are told all the time to accept their body type and love themselves. Why should a woman who adds muscle easily be exempt? Or is “accept yourself” simply a patronizing sentiment by those with a “narrow view of what is appealing”? Do those who convey that message really mean “Accept yourself, as long as you don’t look fantastic or better than me”?
redheadfromtdot
April 10th, 2008
Angela Bassett - that’s all I have to say. So beautiful!
http://www.celebritywonder.com/picture/Angela_Bassett/AngelaBasset_Grant_10900275.html
Buff lover
July 7th, 2008
First of all Madonna is a muscle-bound mutton dressed as lamb cougar I would NEVER wanna look like. She needs to pack away the leotards and act her age, gawd dang nabit!
Secondly, I’m gonna go lift some weights heavier than 3lbs right now. And WHEN I build some bad ass biceps, I’ll use them to lift my forearm and give Tracy Anderson the finger!
Sam Rheeder
March 5th, 2009
Not lift more than 3 pounds? Then, how does this “trainer” expect a female to take care of a baby? Also…….according to most doctors, WEIGHT training is recommended to help offset the chance of getting osteoporosis later in life. Thank goodness our First Lady doesn’t have Ms. Anderson for a trainer! Our First Lady looks healthy and fit, not “wimpy” like so many of the present movie stars and models.
Teddi
August 20th, 2009