FitnessFixation.com

This is just a good song about motivation, and a GOOD song, rrrowwww.
So I have a few posts half-written, which matches my half-assed workouts perfectly, so there you go. Did you know January is a very busy month for trainers? Everyone and their cousin wants to get in shape, though the distance between desire and action is long for many people. In my case, it’s usually not long enough for things that are bad for me, and pretty much miles when it comes to working out, so I’ll tell you about that because, FASCINATING. But I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person who experiences flagging motivation. (I think you can also take a small blue pill for it.) And thus, point number one:

-During training, many people turn to me and say, “I just can’t motivate to do this on my own, I can’t get myself to work out.” I always tell them, “Wow, you must be a total lameass, I don’t even understand what you mean. Why, everyone else in the world has absolutely no trouble at all springing from their beds and rushing straight to the gym to do some really intense exercising because, damn, it feels soooo good we all can’t get enough, OH YEAH, give me more exercise before I go into DTs.”
Um, no, what I actually say is, “Welcome to normal.” Most of us go through phases where we have zero motivation, we probably all slack off from time to time (except for those total weirdos, and we don’t even like them, do we? Dear weirdos, FYI, we all hate you) and the majority just don’t sustain an exercise program at all. And that’s not even getting into how hard you work out—-how many people mosey along at the same pace, doing the same run or bike ride or setting on the elliptical for decades? (”Mosey”? I guess cowboy lingo was a’comin from over yonder. Shoot me at high noon.) I do not often feel an overwhelming urge to push myself real hard unless my ego is on the line, meaning I have an audience or coach putting performance pressure on me in some way. Any solo intervals of intensity are undertaken with much bitching and frequent half-assery and restful pauses where I stare at things and use my mind power to get in shape.
Oh, would you like to know why it’s hard to get yourself to the gym? Because exercise is hard work and it’s painful and tiring. Obviously there are these supposed ways it feels good, but those come mostly post-workout and you have to do it consistently to see results. That’s how I sell it, by the way. Exercise: It is some fucked up whackadoo shit. Now come train! This is why the gym is a multi-billion dollar enterprise and I sleep on sheets made of specially treated hundred dollar bills, currency has a high thread-count, dahling. It’s the marketing that made our success.
Well, thank god it’s hard to work out or I would probably be out of a job. Don’t go and get all self-motivated, please, I have bills to pay, and I don’t want to rip up my sheets.

Point two: on the other hand… The other day I spent a good half hour trying to decide if I should work out, talking myself in and out of working out, fucking around with whether I was too tired or had become gigantic and must do SOMETHING or whether I would still be fit to train people if I skipped it but maybe a rest day was in order or perhaps I should do other productive things like nap or blah blah blah. And then I realized I had put more work into the decision whether or not to work out than it would have taken to actually, you know, work out. Procrastination is not quite as effective as exercise unfortunately, but it takes just as long, if not longer. Yes, you can quote me on that INSPIRATIONAL nugget, I’ll use that one during the stadium tour. Since I had my epiphany about procrastination I’ve sprung into action. (Pregnant pause) Well, it did make me workout with slightly less messing around the next day, that realization that I was spending more energy on head-fucking, which should have been outsourced to my sister anyway. Bitch, you are falling down on the job! Don’t make me out-out-source my head-fucking to a contractor. By the way, any takers, willing to work pro bono?

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 28th, 2010 at 11:48 pm and is filed under blah blah, body building, exercise, healthy crap, new moves, running, sanity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.