Dude, you remember that video? “Girls on Film”? Duran Duran, it was so new wave not-quite-porno-enough!
Yeah. Oh, I was on film the other day too. For this BlogHer series called “The Juice”. It is neither new wave or porno. And yet, somehow, I am in it.
I am the kind of person who reflects on my performance regularly, tries to be objective and kind, and in the end is perennially horrified with myself. In this case, of course, I have been tweaking on the fact that it sounds like I’m putting down bench pressing. Dude, I love bench press! I’d marry it! I’d have its babies! Also: Wow. Calling my voice “husky” is like saying FF is occasionally inappropriate.
So why was I asked to be on this? Well, because I’m a lady blogger, of course, and we are a very fit and knowledgeable bunch, cough. Oh fine, some of them are, and I guess the whole personal trainer thing I do means I have some experience in at least watching other people exercise. And also because I wrote about this “trend” of functional fitness. Actually, I invented functional fitness. I did. I also invented push ups and squats, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You heard it here first.
When they asked me to do this, I also did not disclose that I am incapable of hiding discomfort and I sweat like crazy if I even twitch. Hmm, that won’t be a problem if the filming happens on a 90 degree day, outdoors, and I’ve been asked to wear my sweatshirt. I was so drenched, I could have switched over to my recreation of the Flashdance chair dance. It’s the other thing I’m known for. Besides functional fitness.
Well, everyone pretended not to notice the sweating, which was nice of them, and I did manage to make it the whole interview without saying “fuck” once, which is both a personal record and part of the reason for my slightly pained look. So there’s my victory. Caught on film and everything. Fuck yeah. Ooops…
you are so hot. missing you.
surfmom
May 6th, 2009
you look totally hot. in rawr way and not a sweating way. That is the kind of deep, insightful feedback a person ought to give at a time like this, non?
val
May 6th, 2009
You’re just the way I imagined you, except without the swearing! (That’s a good thing, in case you’re wondering.)
dragonmamma/
May 6th, 2009
they made you wear a sweatshirt? what’s up with that - they couldn’t handle your muscles or what?
Joanna
May 6th, 2009
they couldn’t handle the guns or the ink, joanna.
OK, so i’ve had a bottle of birthday wine and feel the need to tell it like it is, just like aretha franklin.
fuck them for using you to advertise blogs that get sponsored by tropicana. where’s your tropicana ads? and where is the snapshot of your blog? really, kelly, FUCK them. unless, of course, they can get you a Tropicana ad and it generates a revenue stream for you. then i take it all back.
and Jory feels the squat after 1 rep? i’m supposed to believe that? hello, how about credibility here?
you, on the other hand, were lovely and composed, even in the face of all that fake bullshit. you look beautiful on film and not in the least bit sweaty. you squat was gorgeous and, well, after watching you, I need a cold shower.
really, how did you survive that with so much grace and no expletives?
Shari
May 6th, 2009
How bizarro to SEE and HEAR you! (once I figured out how to make the orange juice disappear). You were fabulous - not sweaty! The best “functional” analogy I have to the squat is not touching the rim of the porto-potty. Who needs toilet seat covers when you can squat?
ErinG
May 9th, 2009
This is semi off topic but I’ve been wondering why there are so many Female Blogger sites out there. There doesn’t seem to be any male blogger sites. Well, that is to say, I suppose there are, just of the Guys Only On Film variety.
Treadmill Monkey
May 16th, 2009