Free advice from me: Um, this is not the most flattering camera angle.
Let’s start with an admission, and no, this has nothing to do with my PMS, though, yeah, still waiting for ye olde flow and still mighty tense and hungry and emotional and dramatic, thanks for asking. But even hormonally induced self-loathing aside, I’m pretty sure my athletic performance is firmly plateau-ed. “Why is that?” you ask, because you are so thoughtful about asking after me, and I appreciate it, I really do. You have been very sensitive to my needs, I’ll tell our counselor that and be sure to give you that back rub. So yes, why am I sucking so tremendously right now? I believe it’s because I’m not doing much work with coaches lately.
Sometimes people are surprised that I work with trainers since I am one, but for me, that’s totally a no-brainer. First of all, I’m a rank amateur. Secondly, as my former-litigator dad used to say, “Any lawyer who defends himself has a fool for an client” and most doctors don’t diagnose themselves and therapists go to other therapists, or at least Melfi did on “The Sopranos”. Course I’m gonna work with trainers, and that’s on stuff I know, let alone the many things I’m a total beginner at and therefore need serious coaching in. I wanna be as badass as I personally can be. People at the top of their sports work with coaches, so I sure as shit am gonna too, whenever I can. Plus, me, I love the learnin’.
Did you know me and the NY Times have twin minds? I sat down a couple of times this week to talk about why I think working with a trainer is the best thing you can do for yourself athletically, and then, poof! Kim sent me this article. I mean, I know you all trust my implicitly, but nice when the NY Times has your back. Especially when you should all recognize I have an inherent bias here, seeing as how I am a trainer, and therefore kind of invested in being needed and useful and employed. Speaking of, I will talk about the problems with going with a coach too, because if I can’t screw myself, then who will? Really? Who?…It’s not a rhetorical question. Anyone?
Oh, and I enjoyed my images searches for personal trainer pictures, so I’m sprinkling them throughout, because nothing beats fitness photos for sheer dumbassery.
This trainer is wistful…because he longs to touch her…He loves her…
Of course the Times is mostly about training for your sport, and I’m focusing more on being coached, but oh, whatever. Still applies, and here’s what I think you should get from a trainer:
-Knowledge. Duh. Good trainers will, um, teach you stuff. But even if you know everything in the whole world already and are super-duper good, a coach should be able to tweak your form and help you finesse. I can’t see myself exercise, not in 360 degrees 3-D, because I’m not a frog or some scary alien android thingie. Or am I? Mwah ha ha. You’ll never know for sure, will you? Maybe I can see myself in 360-3-D, but I’m just intentionally making my form look bad to maintain my disguise. Oh yes, it is possible.
-Motivation. Bottom line: I work harder for someone else than I do for myself, almost always. I can trick myself into working hard, and I can even force myself to do things I don’t like, but it doesn’t happen every day, and that took lots of practice, and it still doesn’t compare to what I’ll pull out for a coach on the basis of ego alone. I need an audience to perform for, and then a good trainer will also make me do things with integrity, fix my shit, and push me when I want to give up. The day I can do that as well for myself is the day I disappear into a very wise and transcendent mist and you can all hear the whisper of my PERFECT FITNESS as I float through the ether. And they’ll make statues in my honor, and sacrifice baby animals at my altar. Hell if I’m going out like dry ice, no sir-eee bob.
(Dramatic voice) This trainer only loves…himself…
-A program. Trainers should tell you what to do, and you should have a system and a routine and some good reason to show up. And speaking of, related to the last two, trainers give you…
-Accountability. Even a little bit. For improving. And excellent coaches tell you when you are and aren’t getting better, and help you come up with what works for you, depending on your goals. The more specific the goal, the more specific the program should be. Me, I just wanna be badass, so my program can be all wicky-whack, but I want someone on my ass to make sure I do it.
What else do I get from trainers? You know, stuff I can’t think of right now, but it’s real good stuff.
These trainers love…the dah-nce…
Now, I think classes and groups are good for motivation and competition and that camaraderie shit some people talk about, and I like them, it’s a good training set-up. And I also like a little one-on-one time when I can get it, because I’m needy and all that attention is bound to make slow-ass me get better faster.
There’s some downsides to trainers, naturally. Such as:
-They cost money. Bitches! But yeah. Group training is usually cheaper than individual, but rarely is any of it free, and if it is and it’s good, you should stay on that train forever. But really, not everyone can afford it. If I was made of money I’d do all kinds of things, but then again, if I was made of money, y’all would have ripped me to shreds a while back and spent me on cheap booze and cheaper whores, right?
Here’s crotch lady and trainer again, and boy, he’s doing some very active spotting, isn’t he? And she is working mighty hard.
-Another huge downside is that there are some total dumbasses out there working as trainers, and some so-so, meh coaches as well, and while I personally might be both things to many people, well… What was my point? Back to the other people: Bad trainer hurt you. Or just waste your time. And even a capable person might not be a good fit for you, or might try and advise you on things they don’t know shit about, like nutrition or dating or the stock market. Be forewarned. You can look for credentials, but I don’t personally think edu-macation is necessarily the be-all and end-all. Didn’t you ever have a professor who was brilliant in their field but a lousy teacher? Some coaches are like that. Or they are mean, or have poor social skills (ahem) or are also bloggers (ahem ahem shhhh) or whatever.
I think at the end of the day, it’s finding that blessed combo of skill, knowledge, talent, and yeah, straight-up compatibility. And good stuff. Coaches should have good stuff in pocket. And since even I don’t know what that means, I’m handing the floor over to you. Do you work with coaches, and what do you like, and why? And why are we even here on this planet, anyway? Just curious on the last one, no pressure.
Oh, and next post: How to work out alone, and some tricks there. Plus Monica Seles fired her expert nutritionists, and how that helped her. Yes, I may just take it allll back.
Anything that requires special skills/techniques etc. is difficult to start out to do alone. I really need to get back my flexibility, but I find it very difficult to get yoga stances right from the pages of a book, a DVD MIGHT work, haven’t tried. As of now though I feel to out of shape to show up at a gym or some such. It might be silly, but … After losing a few more pounds I plan to take advantage of some of the free “try us out” offers the gyms sometimes offer. Looking forward to your advice on doing it alone.
Ane
April 25th, 2009
I can’t afford trainers, so I have “mentors” instead. People who know their shit and have taken me under their wings either because they can sense what a diamond in the raw I am, or else they feel sorry for me.
For the last few years I’ve spent lots of gym time with a real Coast Guard instructor. We have a weekly boot camp, plus little informal one-on-one sessions whenever we show up in the gym at the same time. He manages to squeeze a few extra reps or extra weight out of whatever I’m doing, and comes up with fiendish variations.
I also recently discovered a shot-put coach at our gym, and he showed me how to shot-put last week, plus loaned me the 9-lb ball for an indefinite period. He’ll be checking my form on a weekly basis.
It pays to be sociable and talk to people at the gym. Sure, it takes longer, but there are lots of quality folks out there who are very generous with their time and knowledge.
dragonmamma/
April 25th, 2009
I get a sweet deal at my gym that includes a session with my personal trainer once a fortnight for half an hour. She works me HARD, tells me how to correct my form, and updates my program - she’s excellent. But I see LOTS of people who say “Oh, I can’t afford a personal trainer.” REALLY? You can’t afford to make your gym time really work for you? Hmm….
Caitlin O'Connor
April 25th, 2009
I do both group exercise (bootcamp) and have a personal trainer for one session a week.
Bootcamp is good because it’s sociable and I’m competitive, so I work harder to try and beat the people around me.
Personal training is good, because, like you, I will work harder with a trainer than I will by myself. Partly because of ego, but partly because they help you do more, you can lift heavier because they can spot you.
Amanda
April 25th, 2009
I also hope my trainer would never let me be photographed at such an unfortunate angle. I can’t stop staring!
val
April 25th, 2009
Thank you.
I often maintain that female trainers really need trainers because there just aren’t that many women friends we can work out with. The guy trainers all work out together, acting as motivation and spotters and teaching each other. We gals? Up a creek.
I hire my trainer for about a month every quarter or so. I come to him with a specific list of what I want to accomplish and let him worry about planning it.
Breaking through a plateau, getting comfortable with a new technique, or when I start to doubt myself on a regular basis. All justifications for sitting down with Adam again.
He also looks out for me by letting me know when really good deals are being offered by the gym. that is, when it’s more foolish to not use a trainer than use one.
deb
April 26th, 2009
Love working out with a trainer. Agree with everything you say here. Just can’t afford it right now or in the foreseeable future.
Belinda
April 27th, 2009
Love having trainer(s). It is completely worth all the cash.
she
April 27th, 2009
Well, I just took my personal trainer cert, so here’s hoping someone will like me enough to hire me!
But as far as working with coaches, I’ve only worked with one, my dad. He happens to be a personal trainer, so I get double doses of exactly how I should be doing a move. But that’s what I love - finding out how to get more out of an exercise by adjusting my form or preventing the beginnings of an injury by tightening up my form. In just one workout with him, he got me from 65 lbs on the bench to 80. All it took was some support, familial scorn (who wants to be called a creampuff by their 65-year-old dad?) and a watchful eye with steady hands to get me to pound out reps harder than I thought I could. Makes me wistful he’s not living nearby - I could be benching 100!
I hope to provide the same well-rounded combo of support, skill, and humiliation that I’ve learned from him and this blog to my future clients.
Hoolia
April 27th, 2009
Great points. The fitness business is a magnet for morons. Stay away from:
1. Trainers who have pics of themselves running shirtless on the beach or leaning up against a car shirtless and flexing (all ego).
2. Trainers who wear dog tags and camouflage but have never actually served a day in the armed forces (all gimmick).
3. Trainers with more letters after their names (Joe Smith, CPT, BS, MS, PhD, PYT) than IN them (all head, no heart).
4. Trainers who have a “secret” system (there are no secrets).
5. Trainers who endorse fad diets (quick results, then a quick fizzle, but they got their money and some really cool before/after pics to post on their site).
6. Trainers who sell you supplements (will yield no results but expensive urine and room-clearing gas)
Seriously, there are good trainers and bad trainers, and you need to take your time to research and experiment. If a trainer won’t let you try him/her out before making a commitment, walk away. If he/she requires more than 2 to 4 weeks of fees in advance, walk away. And always trust your gut, it won’t lead you astray (your head, however, will).
Research small group personal training/semi-private training. All the benefits of personal training at hugely reduced prices.
Jonathan Aluzas
April 27th, 2009
I love how in the second photo of Crotch Lady he’s holding his cupped hand under the dumbbell as though he’s waiting for a drop of water to fall. Oh wait, that’s about how much the dumbbell weighs.
(I don’t have anything useful to contribute about trainers, but I can at least help make fun of the photos)
Marla
April 28th, 2009
You are damn funny! Yes, a personal trainer can definitely take you where you will not go yourself. And once you know that about yourself, just the knowledge can take you to a whole new level of consciousness. (Wow, didn’t that sound deep? You can use it if you like, especially if you can figure out what it means.)
Lan-Ling
April 28th, 2009
I like my trainer to laugh maniacally and then break into the dah-nce.
Shari
April 28th, 2009
I love me my trainer. Corrects my form, encourages my flagging ass, blasts the hip hap just so, comes up with endlessly interesting variations on old shit. On my own, burpees wouldn’t even be considered. Likewise another set of bicycles on abs aching like white-hot pokers from yesterday. But as you so aptly put it, I’ll work far harder for someone else than for myself.
PS: we’re here on this planet for cheesecake and homemade margaritas, as far as I can tell.
Lauren
April 29th, 2009
i’m puttin’ on my dogtags right now.
juliet
April 30th, 2009
I replied to an ad on Craigslist a few months back from a girl in my area looking for a workout buddy (hello, accountability!) It sounded like she was into the same fitness-like activities as I am, so we started working out together a few times a week. Well, after we meet I find out she is a certified personal trainer AND a yoga instructor (uh, and also a very nice cool human being). Can you say JACKPOT?
Cebca
April 30th, 2009
I have had 2 different trainers in the past few years. My issue is Listening, I am willing to listen to a trainer, I need them to listen to me. I have some back issues, I am very very knowledgeable about my disease, Ankylosing spondylitis. I also know my own body pretty well, and listen to it. Floor workouts are not great for me because parts of back are fused together, the trainers did not listen. I understand most trainers know so much more about the “average” body and training than I ever will. After 2 different trainers tried very hard to push me to do things I knew would cause injury, I gave up on them. I work out almost every day, and work my ass off. I find I can do a shitload of weight & strength training without ever laying on the floor. I check out the internet blogs and books to get my info. I think trainers are a fantastic Idea and wish I could find a good one, god knows I need me someone to kick my ass challenge me.
Rainy
May 5th, 2009