Here’s a famous ceiling. Now they have to touch fingers at a minimum every workout.
Speaking of workout progress (or something, what do we talk about here? Besides the f-word?) there’s this phenomenon of floor-becoming-ceiling that I really love and hate. What in the name of all that is holy and good am I talking about? If you were lucky I wouldn’t tell you, but clearly you are working off some bad karma. I’ll start by illustrating this with an example, because there is nothing more rewarding than going the most roundabout way to get to a very simple point that will ultimately mean nothing to you in the end. Now on with the show!
Anyway, commencing illustration: I am a’feared of running right now. The reason is that I did something really stupid and followed some of the advice-y research crap I posted on this blog. Here’s a side note for everyone that may help you more than the actual point of this whole post: If you see it posted here, don’t do it. Back away slowly and try and clear your mind through meditation or sage smudging or exorcism.
I wrote a bit ago about some research on high-intensity intervals. I’ve always tried to throw intervals into my running, but I had gotten pretty half-assed about it, and as a result my running was my nice, pleasant, la-la-la workout. But could I be satisfied with that? Oh noooo. I had to go and say to myself, “Hey self, why don’t you try and throw some more of those high intensity intervals into your runs? Extra sprinting and hills and stairs and so on. Why, perhaps there will be some crazy fitness benefit to it, imagine…”
So I did. And the first time I brought back the tough intervals, it was kind of awesome. I felt alive, man. Talk about a rush. Fitness just cradled me in her strong arms and whispered, “I love you, darling.”
However, fitness is very needy, and I am a fool for love if there ever was one. Because what happened next is the thing that has happened to me many times before, and yet I just never fucking learn. Maybe you can guess what happened on my next run. I bounded out the door, got a mile in, and then it hit me: I should probably do sprint intervals again.
Fuuuuuccckkk!!!!!
See, that’s when yesterday’s accomplishment becomes today’s expectation, but without the warm glow of young love. Now all of the sudden, I have to contend with fitness nagging at me, telling me that I since I can do such-and-such, I really ought to as well. Thbbbbthhhh.
Once upon a time running a couple miles was cause for triumph, and pressing a certain weight should have inspired a parade through the streets, and hitting a certain number of squat reps was high-five worthy (pretending for a minute that I high-five, which I don’t, I suck at it), and even being able to jump rope without getting tangled up or passing out meant I should fall to my knees and thank fitness because yes, I did it, and with god as my witness, I’ll never go hungry again. But that was yesterday. Now I have to do at least that or I’m a big old loser.
This is why I feel for former athletes making a comeback from injury or significant time off or life. It must be hard to celebrate achievements that were easy once. Reason number 47 it is good that I was lazy and have low standards for myself, it meant I could get excited by the most basic things. (”Ooooh! I didn’t fall down this time! Yay for me, look out world, I’m LOVELY.”)
Hey, I guess that’s life when you get hooked up with bitch fitness. The ceiling—what you wanted to achieve—becomes the floor, the minimum you expect for yourself. Sucky sucky suckness, bleugh.
On a slightly (but not overly) positive note, this is actually the way it is supposed to be. If you always lift the same weight, you are probably going to reach what we like to call, “zee plateau”. We call it that when we use our completely terrible faux-French accent, and we embarrass those around us, but we can hardly help but do that now, can we, oooh la la? I see people who appear to be running the same distance at the same speed forever, or messing around with the same weight they started with, and I tsk-tsk in a very self-righteous way, because I am a big ol’ bitch and I’m sure I’ll be getting my comeuppance soon. I should mind my own business, no?
See, I used to be one of those people, back when I was more of a fitness dabbler than a lowly scraping peon weeping at fitness’ feet, begging for mercy and a little self-esteem. And my for all my static weight-dicking and same-old, same-old, I didn’t see much in the way of results, to be honest. Which makes sense. If I play the same song on the piano every day I’ll probably get awesome at that song, and you better believe I’ll bust it out at every party to show off, probably I’ll play “The Entertainer” because it’s such a crowd-pleaser. But then one day someone will say, “Encore!” and I’ll get a sweaty upper lip and have to pretend I’m too drunk to hear them. But they’ll keep pressing me, and suddenly someone will say scornfully, “C’mon, that isn’t the only song you know, is it?” and I’ll turn and hiss, “Fuck you, I don’t need this crap, I’m an artist and you are just a small-minded hack who wishes they could play ‘The Entertainer’ as well as I can,” and then someone will shout, “Play ‘Feelings’!” and I’ll storm out but make sure to shove a bunch of hors d’ouvres in my purse as I leave, tossing my head.
Right. Um, the ceiling becomes the floor. Ponder that, while I gnaw on these little taquitos, which are quite good, but would be better with the party-bowl of guacamole I could be lapping up back at the shindig along with praise and hearty back-slaps if only I had decided to do some fucking sprint intervals and up my weights. Or at least practice two damn songs. Hold me fitness, I need you.
Oh, and if you’ve ever commented before, now you just have to, it’s the minimum.
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one to feel superior when some SLOB tells me they’ve been coming to the gym for (x) years and I think “but I’m doing this HARDER than you!”
Bad, Bad, BAD Caity.
But really, what’s the frickin’ POINT of doing exercise if you’re NOT pushing yourself? Sure, I’m still a baby beginner - I only started this whole working out thang (crazy!) in January this year - but each week I can say: I managed to do one extra track in body step actually using the step today; or I managed to not scream out loud until the 10th leg circle in Pilates class…
Bring on the ceiling, I wanna wipe the floor with it!
Caitlin O'Connor
April 15th, 2009
I suffer like this all the time! I’ve been slowly upping my running and everytime I up it it’s another 5-10 minutes later that my workout will end. :p
I’m finding it difficult to have a workout which lasts about an hour because all these weights need UPPING and the cardio needs UPPING and yeah… =)
HCR
April 15th, 2009
Haha, as I’ve never commented before, I can revel in reaching the ceiling, I won’t think about tomorrow when the floor will smack me up the side of the head.
Actually I relate to this a lot, just recently I was feeling chuffed about how long I could hold a plank position until someone said how much longer they could hold it … bastards. So that knowledge will whine at me next time I do it, and make me try for longer
Amanda
April 15th, 2009
Damn it. You got me. At first I was like ceiling, floor, what? But it all totally makes sense. I was a varsity athlete throughout college playing a contact sport and was in rocking shape. Now I haven’t played in four years and I’m contemplating playing again but I’m terrified because I know that I can’t just expect to be the same player I was before and that means WORK. HARD WORK. I feel like I need to psych myself up just to think about it.
Also - you make me laugh. Thank you!
Julienne
April 15th, 2009
“When the ceiling becomes the floor.” I like that. I’m going to steal it.
Yeah, I’m the same way. Accomplishments that once got me as excited as a nerd finding a bunch of Star Trek toys at a garage sale now leave me yawning and thinking “so what?”
Which is a great reason to keep trying new things; so you can keep amazing yourself. The past couple of months I’ve been learning new jump-rope skills. I’ll be extremely smug (for a while) once I can do a dozen cross-overs in a row.
Next week, someone is teaching me how to shot-put. I’ve never done it before, so any throw I make (short of killing someone) will make me very happy.
dragonmamma/
April 15th, 2009
My problem is that I’m getting dizzy from the ceiling becoming the floor which morphs back into the ceiling as soon as I injure myself (which happens unfortunately more than I’d like) or get lazy. I’d like a little more upward mobility, and some taquitos.
Hoolia
April 15th, 2009
Yes - hate this ceiling floor thing. And yes, I love taquitos and quac.
The trick is to be a grown-up about it and use moderation. Push yourself, but occasionally cut yourself a break and just have a fun, non-sprinting run or whatever it is you do. Work the break/fun part right into your plan. It’s an action item on the fitness plan that must be actioned just like the intervals.
And remember to celebrate being able to get out and just have fun running — I have a sister who can’t and let me tell you….. the floor, the minor fitness accomplishment is something worth celebrating.
Gotta enjoy the journey.
she
April 15th, 2009
I’ve never commented before, but I have to say that you’re a great writer, and you’re freaking hilarious!! I loved this entry
Nancy
April 15th, 2009
I’ve never posted, and now you got me…
The ceiling becoming the floor.. that looming danger.. I am currently hassled by some piriformis syndrome BS, and can’t even go running. I can lift weights like crazy but I also want to run, which caused this in the first place. And if this ever heals, I will have to start sloooow… hating every minute of it… argh.
Jana
April 15th, 2009
I totally feel you. I just started doing stairs, and first I would just do them once as a part of my much longer walk, and then yesterday I did them twice . . . and now I’m afraid I’ve gone ahead and set some standards for myself. Which is shitty, cause those bitches are hard - seriously, there’s gotta be like 100 of them, one flight. Balls.
Cebca
April 15th, 2009
the floor turning into the ceiling reminds me of that Lionel Richie video… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdQDXs75Ulo
I have nothing astuste to say, just posting b/c those were your instructions… I do follow instructions well. hard to motivate myself, but love to have others make me do stuff, so then I can bitch & complain & take no personal responsibility!
Virginia
April 15th, 2009
A while ago I did this really awesome set on the rower. It totally kicked my ass, but I was so impressed by myself that I kept beating the records I was setting. I had a similar set the other day and you know what, I couldn’t even try to beat my previous records. I was too freaking tired. I felt guilty about it, but gave myself a pass. I guess the floor and the ceiling can go to hell when you’ve got an alien inside of you. :p
val
April 15th, 2009
That’s the part I love and hate about it - when I’m just starting out with something and it’s a total struggle and full of pain and torture, and I think to myself “yes, but I’ll get better at it eventually.” and on the heels of that I realize “yes, but then you will have to DO IT HARDER.” Because if it’s not ALWAYS agony, you’re not doing it right!
But fortunately I also have very low expectations
Marla
April 16th, 2009
one comfort for you?: you aren’t supposed to do intervals each time you run. So you can give yourself a small break there.
Still I so get the ceiling/floor thing. Sometimes I love it (like guac).. sometimes I hate it (like taquitoes. sorry). most of the time I’m standing somewhere about mid-room level and just getting through it.
deb
April 16th, 2009
I think the key to avoid finding yourself staring up at the floor is to always try new things…new challenges. I agree with deb…do not do intervals every time you run. The gains you make doing intervals will show themselves in the most unexpected ways!
ErinG
April 16th, 2009
You are an amazing writer; I adore your witty mind!
Substantively speaking, though, I feel compelled to add that, when you reach 50, as I did in December, it gets worse. The floor becomes the ceiling, as your body falls apart and you can no longer even do what you did yesterday… It’s your worst nightmare! Just sitting here typing makes my hamstring attachments scream in pain, because I made myself do some intervals last time I did cardio. My hammies didn’t like that idea one bit, and they are making me PAY!!! Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but… yeah….
Natalie
April 18th, 2009
When I feel the ceiling hit the floor and am struggling I remind myself that I am way ahead of most of the population who never walk through the door of the gym and who don’t get why you would think it is great to lift a heavier weight or run further!
Sue
April 18th, 2009
I try to keep my workouts as varied as possible. Not so much in pushing myself (although that to) but I dabble in as many different things as possible, keeping my body guessing.
Sue
April 19th, 2009
Don’t scare everyone, Natalie, it’s not that grim! As you age, you definitely need to be more careful about progressing slowly with impeccable form, or the consequences are more severe and take longer to recuperate from, but you can still reach for new ceilings.
50 years old, and still getting stronger and faster. Maybe I’ll get that 300-lb deadlift at the same time as my senior citizen discounts.
dragonmamma/
April 20th, 2009
who are u dragonmamma & will you be my friend? 50 this winter!
surfmom
April 20th, 2009
Val, you are such a badass. I love how you don’t cut yourself any breaks, not even when you are preggers.
Shari
April 20th, 2009
Damn. I love your writing,you are hilarious. Don’t ever stop. Thanks.
Kirk
April 21st, 2009
Hilarious, poignant and artfully written! Keep pumping them legs and weights and finger pushups on them keyboards so I can read more funny but true to life experiences we all go thru in our quest for eternal fitness love =)
Nick
April 24th, 2009
That sounds like a neurosis from an overractive brain or possibly a feeling of inadaquacy from not being as fit as you should have been in the past that you have to keep pushing the ceiling until the floor drops out (that being the ceiling). I’m the king of Neurosis though and I have experienced things like that. For example the thrill of pondering how subconscious walking is and making it a conscious process where I have to walk an exacting number of steps per second while maintaining a straight posture (but not too rigid) and keeping a normal rythm to the extent that I don’t look like I’m really concentrating on anything if anyone were to look at me and wonder what I’m really doing. I got over this when I walked in to the side of a moving van in high school from not paying attention to my surroundings as much as I should have. Thinking about how my eyes blink was another one and I had this thing where once I saw a guy spitting out of his mouth every time he talked and I thought about it so when I started talking to people my mouth started to water and I would wonder if they knew but then I would not swallow when I was supposed to because I was so in to thinking about how my mouth was watering and so when I talked I started spraying out at people. This was a stream-of-consciousness nightmare. What I’m getting at is that you may want to try some de-escalative thinking that will help you relax. It’s worked for me on most things. Usually this would involve “changing the subject” in your mind. Think about relaxing things when you jog such as a waterfall or being entrenched in fog. It is really the little things in life that make everything big. Eating taquitos and writing is a good start. The only things I cant shake nowadays is being embarrased about my teeth and being blown away at how reality is a trip, but then I have a cup of coffee with an extra shot.
Daniel Brown
June 1st, 2009