So much of the fitness and health writing out there is so dry you practically have to hydrate after you read it. I think it’s time we injected some humor into the genre.
I’m sure I must have written about this before: Every so often, I’ll see my performance go swirly down the toilet. Every athletic attempt is marked by some really crappy setbacks, and it starts to feel like what came easily is just an inch over this side of impossible. Nothing is right. Everything is hard [...]
Omigod! I saw Gwyneth was on Oprah, talking about you, Tracy Anderson, her very own personal trainer. And you train Madonna too. That’s so awesome. You know, I’m a personal trainer as well. We should totally get together and braid each other’s hair and share exercise tips, doncha think? It would be so cuuuute. Why, [...]
Skinny was bad back then too. From Modern Mechanix.Last week I kind of railed against ‘healthy’ for a bit, and my sister asked me about it afterwards. “I just had the feeling there was something else going on there,” she said. “I mean, is healthy all that bad?” She’s very astute, and right in that [...]
Well, it’s probably about time to put the embarrassing moment posting goodness to rest. As I quizzed people I know about their gym shame, I found that there’s real themes that emerge. Pooing while running seems not as uncommon as you might think, so anyone who has experienced this should feel heartened. Same goes for [...]
Today started out fairly normally. I woke up, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and did my customary genuflection in front of my Jack LaLanne shrine. Then I went out back and picked the youngest baby goat to sacrifice to the fitness gods. After I finished slaughtering the goat, burnt it on the ceremonial [...]
Wouldn’t you totally hump this? Um…
Oh boy oh boy, embarrassing moments stretch into week 2, as I wait for the promised one. I do have a few nice stories, and if you’d like to send me your own, remember most moments will likely involve peeing, gas, vomiting, wardrobe malfunctions, falling, or something combining all of [...]
Rest days are for talking to the skull.
Sometimes when I’m training people, they express guilt over complaining about the workout, or calling me a bitch, or saying “no” when I say “ready?” (which is always a rhetorical question.) I tell them, “no worries at all.” And I mean it. Hell, you can cry all the [...]
I actually believe there are many advantages to being a real late bloomer with the fitness thang, but every once in a while I bump up against a liability too. The biggest one? I suck at high-fives.
Since I never did the whole team-sport shlamozzle growing up, I never got the hang of the gesture. [...]
With every new fitness endeavor I have ever undertaken, there’s been a loyal companion that joins me at the beginning. Who’s my buddy? FEAR. When I started running, I remember a distinct sense of dread tagging along with me to the track. As I began the whole bootcamp-y thang, guess who asked to partner with [...]
Is this what you are looking for?
Oh babies, I am tiiiiired tonight. I went to back-to-school night and met my kid’s teacher, who I LOVE, he’s all direct and opinionated and his opinions totally mesh with mine and he says what he wants and doesn’t give a shit what people think. I think he’s gonna [...]
