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After my pull ups tonight, I really needed these pull ups.This one will be a shorty because I can barely type. “Why?” you ask? Oh, I dunno, maybe it’s because my forearms are rocks and my hands are barely functional because the workout tonight included A MILLION PULL-UPS. Or 48. In sets of 12. In between other things like jerks and skydivers and squats and oh my lord, I am hurt to death.

Now, if I have a nemesis in an exercise, it’s pull-ups. Everyone who knows me knows this. There are things that hurt me more and things that gas me faster, but nothing, NOTHING gets me to muscle fatigue and the futile feeling and staring helplessly at the bar like mother fucking pull-ups. I have never done pull-ups without serious profanity flowing forth. So tonight by round three I was reduced to doing my pull-ups, oh, one at a time. Sometimes it took me more than one try. Read the rest of this entry »

Occasionally someone will ask me if I am learning kickboxing for self-defense purposes. The best answer I can think of is that it’s the same as me practicing weightlifting in case I have to help someone move a couch. In other words, it is possible I’ll someday use it for that, but it’s not what I think about as a real goal or end result. I just like learning and trying to get better at it, plus it’s an awesome workout. I’m all into the process, baby. I mean, I like the idea that I could beat the shit out of someone, but who wouldn’t? And of course the potential to beat the shit out of someone always, always depends on who that someone is and what or who they have with them.

Now, I’ve never understood the whole “I learn this martial art so I can avoid getting into fights.” I’ll be the first one to admit I’m slow as hell when it comes to anything spiritual, zen, peaceful and thoughtful, so maybe I’m just missing some magic serenity component. But in my mind, Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a very typical conversation between me and many of the lovely people in my life. Me: “Aw fuck, my shins hurt/ I have a cold/ my head is pounding/ my ass is sore from god-knows-what…no, not like that, I mean the glute muscles.” People in my life: (stifling a yawn) “Did you take anything for it?” Me: “Uh, nooo. Not yet.”

For whatever reason, I rarely take ibuprofen or other medications for pain or illness. Now, before the clean, natural-living among you start claiming me as one of your own and congratulating me on treating my body like a temple, don’t. I will tell you I treat my body like one of those temples in the Indiana Jones movies, the really decrepit ones covered in vines with the crumbling facades and monkeys clambering all over it. And I do, in fact, shoot poison darts at unsuspecting people out of my orifices, so the comparison is quite apt. Read the rest of this entry »

First things first: How proud and excited am I that the Ice Chamber sirens took medals in the Las Vegas Kettlebell Sport competition? Over. The. Moon. Woo hoo! I just hope the medals say, “In recognition of total badassery.”

So I thought I’d round up a few things, and offer any gems I could find from the week.

1. In case you hadn’t heard, exercise is good for absolutely everything. It’ll probably bring about world peace soon. It certainly brings me the few moments of peace I actually enjoy. Read the rest of this entry »

Technically this is a blog about fitness, which is easy cuz it’s one of my favorite things in the world. However, I have rarely received more positive feedback than when I posted about C&C Day, which has won many fans in the audience. Apparently for her birthday, you can’t go wrong with a little C&C, and it’s also great if you wanna show her how much you care without buying flowers or you just killed a man and need her forgiveness. I know I’m on board the C&C train fer sure. Anyhow, also from Jezebel, there’s an alliance of two of my other favorite things, namely porn and baked goods. Some of the bakers out there might be inspired to create something better. If you did, I’d be inclined towards ya.

While we are on the subject (sort of) Vanilla did a post on pick up lines for runners, in which he defamed the good name of cupcakes, but we forgive him for the sacrilege because we are benevolent and merciful, and we think he is funny. Read the rest of this entry »

Today stupid shit interfered with my workouts, never a happy thing. This meant I had to miss my kickboxing class. I have to tell you it made me sadder than I expected it would, and I expected to be sad. This is kinda funny, since some of you who have long memories might recall that the first time I did kickboxing, I experienced a special kind of frustration, the kind that comes from wholly and royally sucking hard at something.

Nowadays? I’m totally into it, I lurve it. It takes me out of my head like nothing else can, in a way I absolutely need, cuz my head is full of all kinds of very loud crazy. I was realizing that I have learned some very valuable life lessons from it, the kind of lessons I might otherwise have to read in a fucking gawdawful smirky self-help book with pictures of teacups and rainbows on it. Lessons aside from how to hold your hands up so you don’t get popped or how jump kicks in some series of more than ten are the most wrecking thing ever, in a good way, though I’d never request them. So what goodness has come from trying to beat the shit out of a bag or pads using good form? Read the rest of this entry »

I believe skepticism is a highly underrated quality. The downside is it can be hard to subscribe to any one theory or belief whole-heartedly, but I only feel this is a real bummer when I wanna find THE ANSWER to something and then realize it of course does not exist. The upside is that you don’t end up spending shitloads of money on things because they are “scientifically proven” to be effective or because they’ve been used by ancient cultures for their “healing properties” and are just magical cures for whatever. Another upside is you don’t assume everything you read or see must be true cuz it’s in print or on television or because it’s endorsed by a blogger who says “fuck” too much.

Now I’m assuming most of us know when we look at a magazine that we are skeptical enough to know the people in those pages have been digitally altered to look flawless and in some cases, almost not human. Read the rest of this entry »

One of the things you kind of discover quickly if you are a fitness-y health person with any critical thinking skills whatsoever is that we actually know very little about anything. Theories come and go; what was essential yesterday for optimal performance becomes everything you shouldn’t do today, and tomorrow we’ll probably go back to it again.

What the fuck am I talking about? Well, after accepting that I overpronate and getting stability shoes to help with that, I’m finding that I am now plagued with shin splints more than I ever was before. And I think in part it’s the shoes. I could have been way off base on my search for an overpronation cure. Fuck!

Let’s think about it for a sec. Read the rest of this entry »

Okay, first I’ll give you a few li’l snack-size things to munch on. I believe tomorrow is Earth Day or something—I hardly pay attention to celebrating anything unless it’s C & C Day—so here’s a post on eating green. Green as in, sustainable and good for the planet, not as in those gnarly superfood smoothies with all the damn alfalfa in em. Nothing liquid can be considered food in my book, not even a milkshake, unless it is so thick it has to be eaten with a spoon. Mmmm, milkshake. Maybe we can get Joanna to tell us anything else helpful and eco-awesome, cuz she knows about this stuff?

Second morsel is just interesting to me: A study posits that in lady athletes, menstrual wackiness usually attributed to training may actually be polycystic ovary syndrome, and that the syndrome may give athletes a competitive edge. Women with PCOS have increased testosterone, and that leads to bigger muscles and so on. In fact, 37% of the female athletes training for the Olympics had it, while 1 in 5 women in the general population does. Freakin’ fascinating. I love science; don’t you?

Okay, now onward: I wanted to update on my very modest weight loss goals of a bit ago. Read the rest of this entry »

I want y’all to know I’m totally on board with preventing cancer. I know that’s a controversial stance and all, like how I’m against Nazis, and I don’t support being evil (unless I’m the one doing it, then it’s just my job). But I really, really like it when researchers show that some activity I enjoy actually has health benefits. For example, dark chocolate I believe was linked with cancer prevention, something antioxidants blah blah, so now I’m not just having my third dessert of the day when I bust out the big Scharffen Berger bar, I’m saving myself from cancer, y’know. If I drank I bet I’d justify wine with heart disease prevention. Still waiting for the study that links cupcakes with increased intelligence, but I’m sure it’s right around the corner.

So you can imagine my delight when I saw this headline: “Masturbation ‘cuts cancer risk’“. Awww yeah. Read the rest of this entry »